Trust Me, I’m a Republican

The Econonist has published an (excellent) article about the way republicans in the U.S. are playing up the threat of rag-headed extremists trying to kill hardworking, decent Americans. Let’s be frank, this is old news. My mate and everyone else knows that right wing parties all over the world pretty much own the debate when it comes to national security and the economy. What’s shocking is how on earth they can still find votes in areas that they’ve pretty much proved they can’t handle.

The Counterfeit Cowboy’s game plan in the area has always been fundamentally broken. Even after all the evidence piled up, he continued to believe that state-sponsored terrorism was a genuine danger to the nation. Dick Cheney is now talking about al-Qaeda overthrowing a Middle Eastern country (if they need any tips: Lebanon and Iraq look like good pickings at the moment) to use as a base of
operations. Okay, so let’s get this straight. There’s never been any state-sponsored terrorism (apart from Qaddafi, but he’s a mate these days) but there’s going to be. Same story with nukes. The good old boys spend years worrying about someone nuking L.A. (they shouldn’t, Jack will deal with it). When September 11 happens, they tell us that a nuke will be next. Let’s face it, they aren’t
exactly Rick Rescorla.

It only gets worse when you consider the mess they’ve made of Iraq. I mean, my mate was actually in favour of kicking the Butcher of Baghdad out, but no-one can claim it was a job well done. I mean,
there’s been nearly as many Americans killed in Iraq as in the World Trade centre. And believe me, Osama’s buddies are working on catching up with that total every day. What’s worse, there seem to be a heck of a lot more islamic terrorists about than there were a few years ago. And most of them seem to have got going by Iraq. So we’ve actually made terrorists. Bin Laden must pray to God every day thanking him for Dubya.

Back in Lebanon, Hizbollah seem to laughing, as well. Iran’s managed to get rid of its moderates and really is working on nukes. And America’s out of troops to do anything about either. Shit, what we talking about before my mate started drinking? Oh yeah, Republicans are strong on security issues. Well, maybe most days, but this administration makes Jimmy Carter look good. But still they’re throwing their weight into scaring the American people as much as possible so that they can continue to push the country their way. My mate can’t remember what the word you use for people like that is. Oh yeah… terrorists.

Steve Irwin ate my ranking

It’s a bit of a problem for someone like my mate who occaisionally makes the mistake of taking himself seriously when it turns out that the most important thing to happen in the world is not one of the following:

• the announcement by the Sudanese government that they don’t think they’re killing enough black people in Darfur, and could the peace-keepers please leave?
• the ongoing efforts of a bunch of borderline psychopaths in Iran to nuke us
• the slow slide of Afghanistan into anarchy.

Nope, in fact, the story that everyone is talking about is that the crocodile hunter managed to listen to Aqua Marina once too often and got himself killed. By, in fairness, a seven-foot long member of the shark family with a poisonous tail and bad attitude. My mate wouldn’t be too fussed under most circumstances. After all, as campaigning conservationists go, he’s a damn sight more interesting than most you come across (take a bow, Albert Gore).

Only Steve Irwin’s dad, Bob, managed to describe his son as his best mate. e.g. “I’ve lost my best mate.” says Dad. You see what happened there? After all the effort of coming up with a decent internet identity. my mate finds that, like it or not, his search rankings can still be destroyed by an off-hand remark from the relative of a dead TV celebrity.

If you’re thinking this is petty and irrelevant, you’d be right. Normal service will be resumed shortly.

UPDATE: Having posted this article, google appears to have decided that blogging about Steve Irwin is enough to knock My Mate Says back up to the top.